Well, we play in the B league for a reason...

Let me just take a minute and explain the philosophy that Andy and I have worked so hard to maintain in regards to Inline hockey.   I haven't met one person who has picked up a stick (or broom or rock) and knocked around a ball or empty beer can in a tennis court (sometimes skating, sometime not) and hadn't thought, "wouldn't it be a blast to play hockey?"  Well it IS a blast to play hockey and we've taken great pride in bringing in skaters and providing a no hassle, pressure free, funny environment in which a person can learn the techniques needed to make inline hockey even MORE fun.  Many of these players have moved onto to more challenging leagues and there is great satisfacation in that.   What is more pleasing is bringing in newer skaters and watching their intensity and concentration while trying to 1.  skate 2. not fall  3. get out of the way   4. get in the way  5. pass the puck   6.  shoot the puck    7.  touch the puck    8.  maintain an adequate level of oxygen in their system.  It is very frustrating to us when we see individual players with excellent puck handling and skating skills play in the lower skilled leagues.   It's even more ridiculous when about 5 of them show up to play on a "B" team.  This fails to provide enough "puck" time (time actually scooting the puck along) for the new players to improve.  It more often than not frustrates the new players and they ultimately do not return for the next session.  That's what we're about... fairness, friendly competition, building skills, making friends.  Onto the game summaries.

March 7, 1999 vs. NCHC

Win 7-6 in OT.  (summary by Tim Bernhard) It was a close one - we won in the shoot-out (Brian S & Mike took the shoot-out goals). Tempers flared, language got coarse & Brandon gave an opponent the finger... You know that big guy - bald, sports a goatee from the Peanuts team? He was doing his little hold-the-stick-upside-down-and-weave-around-crap. Brian S & I collided with him in the first, Toad laid on a vicious slash in the second, Brandon was calling him a punk, and when he scored on Brandon, Brandon threw his blocker down & flipped him off. (that's the CP spirit... ed.) We dropped a 4-1 lead to end up tied 6-6 @ the end of 3.

Player of the Game: 

March1, 1999 vs. Hockeytowne

Loss 7-4. 

Player of the Game: 

February 28, 1999 vs. PIAS

Win 7-3. 

Player of the Game: 

February 23, 1999 vs. Mutts

Win 7-3.  .

Player of the Game:  Sowalski.

February 21, 1999 vs. PIAS

Win 5-3.  I think Mattie had a hat trick?  Andy got a goal.   Andy flinched and a guy fell over and Andy went to the penalty box.  Baaaaaad Andy.  We sat on the bench kinda scratchin' our heads wonderin' where the call came from, but it was an even up call.  Funny.  Mike and I ran our own type of offense, dump and hack we like to call it.  Defense scrambled a bit, but did well in the end.  We had a hard time adjusting to the no offsides rule.  I say we just play like there is offsides (at least when we're pushing the puck out) that way we can setup plays.  Seems like we had a hard time doing this.

Player of the Game:  Matt, Offense and Defense are both my middle names, Sowalski.

November 24, 1998 9:00
Clown Punchers vs. Hockey Towne

Loss 5-4.  It'a all my fault.  It's all my fault.  If I hadn't been hootin' at Toad, we would have tied.  Good job by all, we'll see you at the tournament.

Player of the Game: 

November 22, 1998 4:00
Clown Punchers vs. Slackers

Win 4-3.  In a shootout and with the 2nd to last man up, the Clown Punchers drove in the winning puck shot by Jay, to win in a shoot out.

Player of the Game:  Jay and Mike (our two free agents) for scoring the winning shootout goals.

November 17, 1998 9:00
Clown Punchers vs. Mutts

Loss 4-3.  We seem to have a problem with this team.   The first period saw the Clown Punchers establish a short lead 1-0.  During the second period, we scored again, but the Mutts also scored twice.  2-2.  By the third period, the Mutts had taken the lead by a score of 3-2.  One more goal half way through the third would put them up 4-2.  With less than two minutes, the Clown Puncher pulled their goalie, Brandon Powell (4-3-1) and with the extra man were able to come within one goal of the Mutts, 4-3.  With no timeouts remaining (this ain't football you know) the Clown Punchers were unable to connect again and were defeated.

Player of the Game:  we all pretty much had a rough game.

Overheard during the game: Don't you hate when you get all of your equipment on and then you have to go?  That's why I brought my catheter.  (Tim Bernhard)

Hero/Zero Cam: Geez, how many times were we going to crush #76?  She must have been slammed 3 or 4 times.

November 10, 1998 8:00
Clown Punchers vs. Slackers

Win 6-3.  The Clown Punchers maintained a solid game througout the first period.  The second period and the third period.  Some people scored... on both sides.  And no one stole my stick.  We passed the puck around in a box well and made sure that our points were open.  A lot of good talking was going on as well as the guttural grunts from our "enforcers" as they earned themselves a break in the penalty box.   Apparently this game was 180 degree turn from the previous one.  Good job.  

Player of the Game:  Matt Sowalski, shorthanded goals and scoring in the middle of a line change.  Paul Bulson for picking up the slack in defense for me.

Overheard during the game: 

Hero/Zero Cam: That glorious hop over the wall where I landed on my butt, then the puck wrapped around the wall and bruised my ass.  Okay, here's what happened... I wasn't quite close enough to the edge to jump off and I got caught on the metal rail that would hold the glass in place causing me to literally fall over the wall instead of hopping off of it.

November 8, 1998 4:00
Clown Punchers vs. Mutts

Player of the Game:  Paul....for scoring our only goal.

Overheard during the game: "its the jerseys fault " (Toad forgot his jersey and was wearing a different color)

November 4, 1998 9:00
Clown Punchers vs. Hockey Towne

Win 6-1 Clown Punchers win!  Lots of good solid teamwork from everyone.  Mike got things going with a goal in the first period.  We took a slim 1-0 lead into the second period. The hockey gods then started smiling on us. We scored 4 times in the second period to take a 5-0 lead. The scoring was spread all around...Jay, Andy, Matt and ? all got a goal in the period. We gave up a cheap goal in the middle of the 3rd. (sorry Brandon not your fault)   The good stuff.....we won most of the faceoffs..everyone was spread out...good passing....good hustle..good line changes.  The bad...we still need to pass back to the points! 

Player of the Game:   Brandon Powell, honorable mention  our defense 

Overheard during the game:  (heard during a break) "Steve's not around to say anything witty" 

November 1, 1998 4:00
Clown Punchers vs. Slackers

Win 5-4.  Win in a shootout with Tim clinching the win with the last goal during the shootout.  We did a fine job of shutting down #7 most of the time... he's an excellent skater and got away from us a couple of times but all in all he would give up on the play if we challenged him and knocked the puck away.  One historical note:  this is the first winning season for the Clown Punchers since the Spring of 1997.

Assistant Coaches Notes: Make sure that the offense uses the points.  Defenseman on the points need to constantly talk to the offense to let them know where you are.  The teams have been collapsing in on themselves and forcing a 2 on 4.  If we use the points, the opposing team's defense will spread out.

Player of the Game:  The shorthanded penalty kill line that scored the tying goal.

Overheard during the game: "If you can't skate get off the rink."  Paul Bulson encouraging his tired teamates... not critiquing their skating ability.

October 27, 1998 9:00
Clown Punchers vs. Mutts

Win 3-1.  Andy "Hack" Dock was our goon for the day... we missed him while he was away in the penalty box.  The Clown Punchers did an excellent job of maintaining the box formation.  As the puck was placed into the corner, the line shifted from side to side to cover both the point and high slot.    Our shift changes were also vastly improved... I know it's difficult to turn away from a loose puck that has just been dumped into the corner, but many times when we called for a change while play was live, we did this... just turned around and changed.   Good Job.  Towards the end of the game our defense was a little less organized than in the first two periods, but this may be attributed to being tired.  Brandon was again, very solid in goal. 

Assistant Coaches Notes: The assistant coach was in the penalty box too much to be able to provide any tips.

Player of the Game:  Mike Gerros for having at least two break aways while playing with bruised ribs...

Overheard during the game: "You okay, Mike?"  "My ribs are bruised."   "Still wanna skate?"  "Yeah."  Nuff said!

October 25, 1998 4:00
Clown Punchers vs. Hockey Towne B team

Loss 7-2.  The intial breakaway goal at 19:44 of the first period by Hockey Towne, pretty much set the tone of the game.  They have about 4  B+/A- skaters that we had a hard time keeping up with and track of.  The Clown Puncher defense seemed a bit out of position on a number of plays.   Once we have a person on each line that directs traffic, we'll have a much better chance of putting together some plays.  And if the ref rolls his eye one more time at us, there's gonna be trouble, Sheriff.  Please take a look at the assistant coaches notes below... good strategy that we can start to work on.

Assistant Coaches Notes:  (Paul T. Bulson)  The two defensemen are D1 and D2.  The two forwards are F1 and F2.   When the puck is in the corner D1 goes into the corner to dig it out D2 covers the low slot area (immediately in front of the net area).   F1 (the forward covering the point closest to the corner in which the puck is) stays between the puck in the corner and the pointman, effectively removing that pointman from the play.  F2 (the forward covering the point furthest from the corner in which the puck is) moves in to cover the high slot area. When the puck goes to the other corner (since everyone is covered, the opponent will only have the options of losing the puck or dumping it to the other corner) D2 goes into the corner to dig it out D1 goes to the front of the net to cover low slot F2 heads to the boards to block a pass to the near point F1 now covers the high slot.  If everyone fulfills their role then the opponents won't get a decent shot.  If the defensemen digs the puck out of the corner, he has several options.  He can pass to the forward covering the high slot for a potential break away. He can pass it to the forward on the boards. He can carry it since the opponents should be fairly tied up. If one of the forwards ends up with the puck, they simply breakout. 

We could also try a similar scheme on offense.  When the puck is in the corner F1 goes into the corner to dig it out F2 hangs out in the low slot area looking for a pass or rebound.   D1 (the defenseman covering the point closest to the corner in which the puck is) tries to position himself for a shot from the point (especially since F2 is ready for a rebound).   D2 (the defenseman covering the point furthest from the corner in which the puck is) moves in to cover the high slot area. When he stays on the far point, the opponents know there is no way the forward in the corner can possibly get the puck to him, so they don't cover him and double team someone else, effectively shutting us down.  If the puck goes to the other corner either because their defensemen sent it around the boards or because our forward couldn't find an open man...F2 goes to the corner to dig it out. F1 heads to the low slot.   D1 heads to the high slot.  D2 heads to his point position.

(captain) GOT IT?!!!!  GOOOOOOOOOD!   effectively this is a box formation... if you stay in the box formation, we'll have more success of putting together plays.

Player of the Game: Dave Reynolds for consistently asserting himself on defense.

Overheard during the game:   "Im your captain, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoaaaaaaaaaaa."

October 20, 1998 8:00
Clown Punchers vs. Slackers

Win 5-1.  If playing in the C league means we have earlier games... I'm staying right here.  Let's see... I would say we had a 2 to 1 ratio of keeping the puck consistently in their zone.  There were times when we could not get the puck out of our end, but generally we played more of the game in their end.   I attribute this to two things.  1.  excellent team play.  While I had the puck (and was looking down at it) I must have heard on at least 5 different occasions someone telling me which way to go with the puck... that helped so much.   We all were talking, we all were moving to get into the passing lanes, we followed up with second efforts on the play.  2.  We're a B team.  There may be some backlash from the other teams about us not being a C team.  I believe we have a mix of B, B+, and C players, but because we play well as a team, the perception might be that we shouldn't be in the C league.  I have said as much to Mike White...(whose shoulders it is upon, not ours... we signed up for the B league)  but, if the other team becomes frustrated, it will be upon us to stay out of their sights so to speak when someone decides they want to throw a shoulder or take a hack at us.  Good job on everyone's part to be cool when the Slackers started hacking.  We play fair and expect other teams to play fair but it doesn't always work that way.  

Assistant Coaches Notes:  Good job with positioning.  Points are open quite a bit and we took advantage of them quite a bit in the 2nd and 3rd.  With some of the slower teams, we can pinch in a defenseman.

Player of the Game: Tie between Brian Schroeder and Brandon Powell.  Brian scored a short handed goal and Brandon in a span of about 10 seconds made three outstretched saves while on his back.

Overheard during the game:   Andy swears that my little "calm your asses down" comment was the quote of the game.  What I REALLY said was "Let's beat them by being better skaters not by being cheaters."  Hey, I thought it was good.  But if I see someone getting into scraps because of emotion, I'll pull you off of the shift.  No sense letting things escalate.  Nuff said, exit soap box.

August 25, 1998 10:00
Clown Punchers vs. Devils

Playoffs round one.  Loss 6-3.  I believe we were in this game pretty well.  Fortunately we had our ringer, Nat, in from Miami.   They only really had 3 good goals, the others were crap goals.  Guess they don't have to be pretty though.  Goals were scored by Andy, Steve, and Matt I think.

Assistant Coaches Notes: 

Player of the Game: Matt "I'm gonna sprint the entire game" and play both Offense and Defense.  Matt was all over the rink helping out where ever he could.  The best play (which most may have missed) was his attempt at hopping over the wall onto the rink.   He missed... laying on his back, I asked how he was doing.

Overheard during the game:  

August 23, 1998 12:00
Clown Punchers vs. Play it Again Sports

Loss 5-1.  Thanks for a great season guys!  Hope to see you in the fall.

Assistant Coaches Notes: 

Player of the Game: Tony the Tiger for gettin' us on the board.

Overheard during the game:  

August 18, 1998 8:05 pm
Clown Punchers vs. Hockey Towne

Loss 4-1.  The Clown Punchers faced this A/B team with ferocity and dedication.  We didn't let a few A players deter us from making some plays and stopping goals.  Someone commented that they were all offense.  Once we were able to get the puck into their defensive zone, we could go toe to toe with them.   The first period was our most difficult with 3 goals going in.  In the second period Nathan Ankeney scored our only goal, but kept us from getting the ol' goose egg.   They scored one more in the second period.  By the third period our defense had figured out their offense and our offense had plenty of shots on goal.  No goals were scored by either team and the game ended with the Clown Punchers down 4-1.  Good game.

Assistant Coaches Notes:  If you are colliding with your own players then either you or the person you ran into was out of position.  I saw too many collisions yesterday... you need to think position first, puck second.  If you are in the proper position, the puck will eventually end up next to you.  Once you have a line on the puck take a quick look up to see where your passing lane is.  If you are the person to whom the puck is being passed, make sure you are looking at the passer first, then the puck.  If you're concentrating soley on getting to the puck, there will be problems.  If it is unclear as to which person is picking up the puck, call for it.  Say "I got it." If the other person doesn't give way, let them know you are there (verbally, physically) and remind them to yield next time.

Player of the Game: Brandon Powell for building a brick wall in front of the net.  He must have faced 10 shots in the second period and 15 in the third.

Overheard during the game:   "Hope we can get the puck over the red line." Brian Schroeder.

August 16, 1998 2:00 pm
Clown Punchers vs. Slackers

Loss 6-2.  Here is the game summary from Tim.   "6-2... I think Matt got both of ours... He at least go the first one. It was a fairly close game - even with the score. A lot more fun than Thurday's win.  I had Tony & Nathan - Tom & Matt on offensive lines. Me & Brain - Scott & Nat on the defensive side of the game. Brandan had a pretty decent game - desite a soft goal or two. Most of the Blue teams goals came on rebounds that we didn't quite get cleared. That's the scoop... "

Assistant Coaches Notes:

Player of the Game: 

Overheard during the game: 

August 13, 1998 8:00 pm
Clown Punchers vs. Slackers

WIN!!!!!!!!!!  12-0.  Hers is the game summary from Andy.  "Tonight (Thursday) we crushed the Slacker team 12-0." Another "Joe Nuxell" play by play from Andy.

Assistant Coaches Notes:

Player of the Game:  George of the Jungle

Overheard during the game:  "Wish it would stop snowing"

August 9, 1998 1:00 pm
Clown Punchers vs. Wallaby's

WIN!!!!!!!!!!  4-3 in a shootout. Here is the game summary from Andy. "Last Sunday we won in a shootout 4-3 over Wallabys."  Brilliant play by play, Andy.

Assistant Coaches Notes:

Player of the Game:  St. Nick

Overheard during the game:  "I'd like crab rangoon"

August 2, 1998 12:00 pm
Clown Punchers vs. Wallaby's

Loss 11-3 or 11-4.  Hmmm, where do I start?   Touchdown Tommy got a goal to keep the game tied at 1 a piece until the end of the 2nd period.  2nd period woes continue to abound.  I was extremely cranky this game.  Just one note.  I over heard a conversation about my "being all over the rink" (not from anyone on the team, it was a spectator).  My explanation for this is that I am attempting to GET AWAY from you as we are skating.  If you chase after the puck (defense or offense) and you have to skate over towards me to do this, then I am going to skate the other way (across the rink, around the net, to the red line, where-ever) to open a passing lane.  This way, if you are challenged, you have an opportunity to pass the puck.  That's what I mean about a zone coverage.  We have the basic concept down, but are inconsistent with it. 

Assistant Coaches Notes: okay, don't take this the wrong way..., but pass the puck people.   With these B teams our points are almost always open.  I'm a prime offender because on one of our last breakaways I shot the puck but had two people open in the middle.  Talk.  Talk talk talk talk talk talk.   If you are open call for the puck.  Many times you need to repeat yourself because it is hard to hear out there.   Don't worry if you miss the pass or aren't as comfortable puck handling.  What better way to get better at both!?   I attribute our performance to just having a bad game.

Player of the Game:  open for suggestions.

Overheard during the game:  Andy:  "Steve is our team goon."

July 30, 1998 9:00 pm
Clown Punchers vs. Slackers

Loss 4-1 or was it 3-1?  I really need to start paying attention.  I believe this was the first time this season that the Clown Punchers   had 2 full lines plus 1 extra.  Wow, a decent break in between shifts.   The Slackers have earned a reputation for being a bunch of hacks, and though they weren't afraid to dip their shoulder every now and then, they were not nearly as rough as I had seen them be against other teams.  It was an even game throughout.  By the end of the first period it was 1-0 in their favor.  By the second period it was 3-1 after Scott's goal.  Brandon had a great game and looked very comfortable in net.   It helped to have some bodies out there.  Two long lost players were able to make it, and this has really rounded out our lines.  Our defense was able to break up many centering plays.  When the Slackers did score, it was at the end of the shift when the defense was winded.  There was one play where Tim and I just couldn't get away from each other.  Typically when I chase the puck holder, he sits in the middle to antagonize their offense.  The opposite is true as well... but this time we both were out of sync and were both chasing the puck, then we both ended up stopping in front of Brandon leaving shooters wide open.  They scored.  Tim and I looked at each other and both concurred that we had just committed a really ugly play.  Our offense had perhaps 4 times the scoring chances this game than any other this season.  We counted at least 4 post shots if not more, so the score really was 5-4... in my world at least...  By the third period tensions were a little high on the Clown Puncher bench.   I beat #19 to the puck in our zone, but he plowed through me... which, a moment later, I let him know I did not appreciate.  He later wound up and shot the puck at me... hey ref, where' the intent to injure?  I must say the reffing this season has by and by sucked.  Not because of bad calls, but LACK of calls.  Fortunately, most of us are out there to get some exercise and are good at policing ourselves.   Last season the refs were quick to call penalties which kept things in control.    Cory is getting better though.  The score remained 4-1 for the greater part of the 3rd period.  After the game, #19 and I had a talk and worked it all out.

Assistant Coaches Notes:  Good job on maintaining your zone...  offense needs to drop one guy into the defensive zone a little more often to help out.  Take your time with the shots on goal.  Swinging quickly will get the puck there in a hurry, but if you miss the puck, you are instantly out of the play.  Even if you have to pause a moment to make sure you get a solid shot on goal, and a defenseman is now on you, you still have options with a pass to the point or dumping the puck into the corner.  I saw too many fans on the puck because of trying to hurry.  Defense... jockey the puckholder (don't let him skate down the middle).  Never completely stop and wait for the puckholder to get to you... he will blow right by you.  Moving a little bit allows you to stick with the puck handler for a longer period of time and allows your fellow defensemen to get into position.

Player of the Game:  Scott Ankeney for puttin' us on the board.

Overheard during the game:   "I got a goal?"  Scott Ankeney on his slapshot confidence.

Gleam in your eye award:  Nat Flinn in the last 2 minutes of the game shook off one of their better players (who also was a hack) and was able to take the puck away from him.   During the whole play he was cross-checking and bumping her, but she managed to keep her feet and take the pressure off.  As she skated up she did a behind the back slash to wack the guy.  Needless to say this caused a hoot from the Clown Puncher bench...  you could see the fire in her eyes!  Good job Nat.

July 26, 1998 1:00 pm
Clown Punchers vs. Devils

Loss 10-4.  I think my wrist is broken.  Hey man, we need some bodies.  and... I GOT a GOAL I GOT a GOAL I GOT a GOAL I GOT a GOAL I GOT a GOAL.  Ahem.  I digress.  You see, I've never ever scored a goal in any actual game on an actual inline hockey rink (and I've played on three different rinks) so I was really excited when that happened.  And I didn't even do the Ickey Shuffle correctly (for you young'ns,  Ickey was a running back for Cincinnati who would do a little jig after each touchdown) but I had fun.  But, I have injured my wrist and may need to get it x-rayed here pretty soon unless it starts to cooperate.  As for the game, we held them for a while in the first period, but as has been the case for most of the season, we started to run out of gas.  I only thought I was going to barf once, which is an improvement over the game a week ago.  And it doesn't help when the lead scorers are competing against each other  for Nike shoe contracts... (you know what I'm talking about)  Watch out, 'cause here comes the defense!!!  And Tony had a stare down contest with someone on the devils who came up to his shoulders, maybe... who knows what that was about.  The 12 year old ref (is that any indication of how much Mike White respects us?) would have been WAY out of his league if anything had really happened.  I told the kid that both players needed to sit out for three minutes to cool off, but I think he was scared.  Scared to call a penalty, scared of the wrath of the Clown Punchers, and scared because the only help he had was about the same size as he was (apporx 4 feet 5 inches).  So there's some satisfaction in that.  Scaring a 12 year old.

Player of the game:  (this is a quote from an e-mail from our fearless leader, Andy)  You got my vote for player of the game. Somehow you were able to backhand the puck, using that hockey stick with a toothpick size blade on it. Great job! 

Addendum from last game:  Brian Schroeder was our POTG from last Thursday for scoring our only goal, I was just too bitter to write about last Thursday's game.

Overheard during the game:   I don't recall any memorable quotes.  Let's lighten it up out there people.

July 23, 1998 9:00 pm
Clown Punchers vs. Peanuts

Loss 12-1.  Go play in the A league.

July 19, 1998 12:00 pm
Clown Punchers vs. Blue Team

Loss 8-3 or was it 6-3.  I had a hard time holding my head up to look at the scoreboard.  Someone was hacked in the first (Andy I think) and we formed up a power play and scored with about a minute in the penalty left... good job!  We actually had the lead 3-0 at the end of the first.  I don't remember much past that...  this was the "sucking wind" game.  It was hot and humid and even the non smokers had trouble breathing... hahahaha.  I would have laughed and taunted them, but I could only manage a hoarse whisper.  We scored three goals within the first 10 minutes and Brandon had to face only about 5 shots.  Until the 2nd and 3rd period.  We had 1 sub and this hurt us as we couldn't get any fresh legs onto the rink.  They kept skating past us (actually, the opposite from Clown Puncher tradition, our defense WAS down protecting Brandon... we just couldn't move... that's why we were down by Brandon, we never left) and scoring.  Tony broke a stick on a faceoff, I had a breakaway somewhere in there but shot the puck wide (hey I'm a defenseman), and we had a number of beauty plays by our offense to center the puck, but we couldn't "poke it home"  as our dear friend Kevin O'boyle (voice of the Media One sports network) would exclaim.  Next game, July 23 9:00pm versus Peanuts (another team stacked with about 3 A players)  oh, and I'm going to see if we can't get this one videotaped.

Player of the game:  Andy Dock with a hat trick.
Defenseman of the game: Brandon Powell for keeping his wind far longer than any of us could.
Iron Lung award:  Brian Schroeder for not subbing during the 3rd period.

Overheard during the game:  "I'm gonna barf."

July 12, 1998 1:00 pm
Clown Punchers vs. PIAS

Loss 4-1.  I was stuck in South East Ohio so I didn't play.  (Review by Andy Dock)  You can call this the broken stick game. Tony broke one stick and Andy broke 2. Both teams were evenly matched. Lots of action in front of both goalies.  Players of the game were Tim (for his defense) and Tony for scoring the Clown Punchers only goal with an assist going to Andy. At the end of the 2nd period we were down 2-1. Here is where the quote/goat of the game award comes into play. Captain Andy says at the start of the 3rd period,"hey were still in this game". This is a required quote that can be found in most coaching books. Andy then goes to the faceoff circle and loses the opening period faceoff. The other team skates the puck down the rink and scores a goal! Next up for the Clown Punchers is the Blue Team. This could be our only chance at a victory  (Doomsday Priest ed.) this season.  There were alot of quotes from our team that were directed at Steve for not showing up, but due to the adult subject matter, they couldn't be used in the game wrap up.

July 7, 1998 9:00 pm
Clown Punchers vs. Devils

We lost 8-2.  We made a good showing in the first period only letting in about 3 goals or so.  (Now remember my details of the game are sketchy because I had spots in front of my eyes until about the third period... thanks for the miracle cure, Tom,  NOT!!!)  Second period was a little rougher when the Devils scored about 3 goals in a row.  Andy got hacked at some point in the end of the second or beginning of the third.  During the subsequent powerplay, Andy fed the puck to Brian (little help here guys) who scored... I think.  I mean, I know we scored I'm just not sure if it was Brian, Andy, or Tony... or someone else.  Then, still early in the third period, Tom intercepted a pass and with a backhand shot, put the biscuit (had to use that word somewhere) over the goalie's shoulder.  A real heads up play, Tom.  That would end the rally for the Clown Punchers and after a short timeout, we ended the game down by 6.  We had one more power play, but had a rough time forming up a solid attack.  No worries, we'll take care of that by next game.  We did well, the other team wasn't a bunch of jerks (though I was slashed across the wrist, upon which I retaliated and hacked his shins) and we had fun...
Next Game, July 12, 1:00pm.  Andy "Tennis Elbow" Dock may not be able to attend so I'll be your coach for the day... now get back to work!

Player of the game:  Touchdown Tommy for the backhand razz-matazz goal over the goalie's shoulder.

Overheard during the game: 
Tim and Andy:  "Where's Steve?"  "He's crawling around on the ground behind Brandon."  (Resulting in saving a goal thank you very much) 
Andy:  "Where's our DEfense?"  upon seeing that the Devils had Brandon surrounded and our guys were at the red line.
Andy: (he's full of 'em isn't he!?) "Don't be knockin' down our co-eds!"

June 30, 1998 9:00 pm
Clown Punchers vs. Hockey world or something (I've later discovered their name is red Wing Shoes... whatever the hell that means)

We got crushed! 11-1 but that's because the greater % of their team were A players. I told our team (there were only 5 skaters plus me to play goalie) not to kill themselves and not to get hurt. Only a couple guys on their team were punks about it. One guy (who is normally pretty nice) picked the puck up with his stick and tossed it into the goal. I chopped at his legs later in the game.  Unfortunately, everyone was laughing at us... I didn't care because I had fun playing goalie and was able to make some pretty cool saves, but I felt bad for the new guys. Another guy started whistling when he was skating around (forever known as the "whistler") with the puck and that got Andy really mad. Andy has gone toe to toe with this guy in previous leagues. So I tried to calm Andy down and he eventually went to the bench and sat down after a few choice words to our "Lawrence Welk Rejected My Whistling Routine" friend.  I know that feeling... you're right on the edge of losing it, but you have just enough self control to walk away. Good for Andy!! So I started  whistling back at this guy, so he wound up and fired a slapshot at me, but missed the goal, so I yelled "nice shot for a girl!" (not meant for you at all, Nat!!!) and he skated in with the puck and dinked it past me... oh well! Apparently he had nothing better to do until his shift at Taco Bell started!!!  Thanks to Nat for taking about 5 or 6 slapshots in the shins.  Next game... July 7, 1998 9:00 pm.

Player of the game:  Brian Schroeder for scoring the only goal.

Well, I'd have to admit that Andy chopping away at the opposing goalie with less than a minute left and then forcing the puck over to Brian and into the goal had to be the best last ditch effort in the game I've seen in a while.  No goose-egg on this day.   Andy was quoted as saying "I would also like to thank the other team for sucking the fun out of a recreational hockey league."   Very touching.  

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